My crumbling brain

It’s probably fibro-fog, that insidious clouder of minds associated with fibromyalgia. I don’t care where it’s from, it’s driving me nuts. I think I can identify with people with early-stage dementia. It’s like your brain no longer works. Things you’ve done routinely for years? Gone. Tasks that you’ve done over and over again? Forget half.

There are days when I struggle to get through, not necessarily because of physical ailments, but because I can’t think. There’s just nothing there. It’s like staring at a fog bank and seeing nothing. Have I panicked over this? Yes. But what am I supposed to do? The brain function comes back when it’s good and ready and not a moment sooner. I’ve come to a sort of acceptance because I know a) there’s nothing I can do about it and b) so far, at least, it always passes. Is there a part of my mind that worries I might never come back? Yes, but at least if I don’t snap out of it, I won’t care. I won’t be able to.

Aside from the obvious, what bothers me the most about it is the burden it puts on those around me. I’m not working anymore, so there are no co-workers to lean on. Now my family bears the brunt of it. The can tell me something and even repeat it twice and it doesn’t stick in my brain. I seem to be forgetting things constantly and even my speech is suffering (trouble stringing together a coherent sentence). I feel like I’ve gone back in time to after my concussion.

In 1996, I was hit by a semi-car carrier (unloaded, thank God) and suffered a moderate concussion. Back then I had the same trouble I’m having now. Difficulty finding words or stringing together sentences. Troubles with memory and the inability to finish tasks. What I’m suffering my not be actual brain damage, but it sure feels like it.

Sorry, this isn’t a longer post, but my brain just quit on me. Again.


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